They’re the family you love to love, and love to hate just as much – but sorry to be the bearer of bad news: the Kardashian family isn’t disappearing from our lives anytime soon.
Hey, perhaps, to you, that’s good news. Kylie Jenner has proven this week their pull and relevance is still top notch/magnifique/the best of the best after she announced she had in fact welcomed a little sproglet into the world, and, in turn, the Kardashian-Jenner money making machine, fueled by us.
The very fact you’re here shows they’ve got some sort of pull on you: you’re either a fan or you want to hate-read something about them. Either way, looks like the intrigue is there for you, too (ha! Gotcha!).
Many say they’re the family ‘famous for nothing’, but they’re the ones laughing as we continue to click, share, gossip, hate, buy into their whole world. And that, dear friend, is why we’re not getting rid of them just yet. If ever.
Why? Let me count the ways. Without counting. We were on the edge for six whole months Ever since the news broke that Kylie may or may not be with child around September, the internet found at least one new rumour or story to spin from the whole palaver a day. That’s roughly 180 days’ worth of new stories.
That’s a lot of chatter. Because, and here’s the secret – you all click on stories about the Kardashians. And as long as you keep clicking, we’re going to keep writing. That’s just, like, the law of analytics. I’m going to take it back to Christmas Day, when we were expecting a Kylie baby belly to emerge in the annual Kardashian Christmas card.
Even my friends who hated, loathed, didn’t-even-know-who-the-Kardashians were in October were interested and intrigued and wondering whether she was pregnant. How’s that for power over the pop culture psyche?
She broke the internet Just searching ‘Kylie Jenner’s Baby’ brings 14.1 million Google results (I did it again as I proof read this and it was now 13.4 million. But let’s go with the 14, eh?). While the video she posted to YouTube announcing the birth – titled ‘To Our Daughter’, and giving us a glimpse at the reality star’s pregnancy – has so far amassed 45 million views.
And if that video, set to a sweet soundtrack that belongs in a Sofia Coppola flick, doesn’t warm the cockles of even the coldest hearts – including yours truly – you may just have no soul. Or you just don’t like the Kardashians. So guess you’re one of the hate readers, hey?
Kylie released the video the same day as the Super Bowl – AKA arguably the biggest sporting event in the western world, bar the Olympics – yet her announcement most definitely eclipsed the game and the half time show, performed by Justin Timberlake. Tom Brady must have been doubly fuming. When it came to the Super Bowl, Kylie’s baby reveal received 1,616,427 social engagements, 542,755 more than The Patriots. Kylie also managed 329,836 more engagements than JT’s performance. *drops mic* Side note, Kylie’s announcement of Stormi’s name is now the most-liked photo in the HISTORY of Instagram, currently sporting 15.1 million likes. KUWTK is into its 10th year. No show about a ‘talentless’ family manages to stay on the air, in primetime, still ranking in viewers, for a decade. It just doesn’t happen. 10 years later, the incredibly self-indulgent show, Keeping Up With The Kardashians, is still demanding an audience of 1.4 million an episode, which says a lot for a family that is definitely oversaturating our senses with their very being – from products, social media, pap shots, magazine covers, apps, fragrance, basically anything else you can slap a price tag and a K on.
There’s no need for us to want to watch them talk about all the above, but we do. Jokes on us. She’s given us a new side to the Kardashian-Jenner family Kylie went underground for six months, not confirming or denying her pregnancy. We assumed there would be a massive paid shoot to announce the pregnancy, sold to the highest bidder. Because that’s what we expect from this family, right? But no – she just wanted to be pregnant not in front of the world. How very dare she. Kylie said herself: ‘I knew for myself I needed to prepare for this role of a lifetime in the most positive, stress free and healthy way I knew how.’ Wanting to live outside the public eye while she germinated, it showed she’s beckoning a new age of Kardashian that perhaps isn’t as fame hungry as we once thought. She’ll no doubt amass a few new fans for this, while reigniting her loyal fans love as she steps back into the spotlight. The proof is in the pudding (well, money) Finally, it was announced this week beauty line has amassed, making her the richest of her siblings. Kylie is said to be worth $386 million (£278m) thanks to her make up empire and Lip Kits and what not, with pundits predicting its value to hit the $1billion by 2022.
Not bad for a ‘kid with no talent’, eh? Her siblings aren’t exactly crying into their home-brand cereal, though, after Kim sold $10 million (£7.1 million) worth of her Kimoji perfume in four freaking days.
Hate them all you want, but when, ten years later, homegirls are still making that sort of coin, they’re not hanging up their business ventures just yet. So settle in gang because we’ll be keeping up with the Kardashians for just a little longer. However, if all else fails and you feel you simply cannot manage another minute longer in a world with the Kardashians, you know you can always just not look, right?
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