The Loose Women host on what life is really like with the ex-England footballer, and not liking a lot of lovey dovey fuss on Valentine's Day
Christine Lampard has the kind of life we will never have – there’s more chance of a Euromillions jackpot, let’s face it. The impressive telly career, the filthy rich ex-footballer husband, the killer bod with the toned arms, the perfect super-white smile, the dewy skin. We could go on.
And we could also be silently seething with horrible jealousy were it not for the fact that she might just be the nicest person we’ve ever met in all our days, and thus, officially deserving of such fantastical happiness.
So friendly, so genuine, so normal, she never stops smiling and affectionately touching everyone (with a hand containing the most staggeringly sparkly rings that make ours look like they came out of a Christmas cracker) in passing.
The 39-year-old host of Loose Women , regular Lorraine replacement and soon-to-be presenter of Celebrity Haunted Mansion, a reality show in which a group of celebs will be staying in a ‘freakishly scary mansion in the middle of nowhere’ is, of course, happily wed to ex-England and ex-Chelsea footballer Frank Lampard .
She is stepmother to his daughters Luna, 12, and Isla, 10, and the pair have a little dog Minnie (not the epic Frenchie on today’s shoot, which belongs to her publicist), who is ‘the princess of our entire household’.
With Valentine’s Day looming, we grilled Christine about romance, marriage, and (phew, they’re human) what really annoys the heck out of them about each other…
Can you dish your secrets to a happy marriage please?
There’s no secret, but timing does come into it. I met Frank when I was 29 and he was 30, which was perfect because we’d lived our lives. If we’d met at 17, we might not be here now. And my mum used to say, when you’re younger, all that matters is your mates, but you’ve got to make that man your mate as well. I got that with Frank really quickly. We were on the same wavelength and laughed at the same things.
Frank says you keep fancying each other more all the time. How does that even happen?!
I don’t know, usually that fades, doesn’t it? I did laugh at that. We’re not 12.
What’s your dream date?
Och, nothing fancy. It sounds so dull, but we love driving to the country, letting the dog off the lead and going to a country pub. That makes us content, we don’t think about anything else, it’s just the two of us in that moment.
So you’re not always in fancy restaurants in Mayfair?
We’re the total opposite. We like doing ordinary things. My mum says, ‘If you always stay humble, you won’t have far to fall,’ and she’s right. The second you get too big for your boots, it all goes t*ts up. That’s the motto I live by. It’s a lesson for a lot of people. Just calm down and enjoy the simple things.
What’s the most romantic thing Frank’s ever done?
We’re not into big gestures – sending 100 roses doesn’t do much for me – it’s little things, like him filling up my car with petrol so I don’t have to. Or if he lights the candles in the house. And we love a sunset – watching everyone going to get ready for dinner on holiday, while we’re still sat there having a sneaky drink.
What about when he flew a friend to LA to carry your engagement ring?
Our friend was sort of going anyway, but Frank figured it out so it happened at the same time. Everything has to be done in detail with Frank. He loves a schedule – it’s years of being a footballer, he could look in his diary in September and know what he’s doing on April 4th – so everything has to be gone through with a fine-tooth comb. And he was like that about the engagement. He’d thought it all through like, ‘What if I get stopped at the airport and we get our bags searched? I can’t go down on one knee at Heathrow!’
Please tell us you have big old arguments like the rest of us…
Yes, just the stupid stuff. He’s incapable of putting a plate in the dishwasher. I can’t fathom this, I’ll never come to terms with how he can’t do that. I’m like, ‘Let me introduce you to this thing called the dishwasher, it’s the most amazing invention…’ He just looks at me, it’s like I’m talking to a four year old. I’m generally not an arguer, though, in life. I’d rather walk away from confrontation.
What annoys him about you?
My lack of planning. Thank God he is good at it, because nothing would get done if it was left to me. I’m much more easy-going. I’ll be like, ‘We’ll work that out tomorrow.’ That does not work for him. And I am weird about cleanliness and that does his head in. I’m already wiping up before he’s finished making the mess. I’m sure the list goes on.
Is it tricky having a relationship in the public eye?
Och, not really. I think people were more interested in the beginning. It was all a bit mad, a crazy little period, almost comical when I look back, but it’s not really an issue now. We have a semi private life. But you have to expect it, you hear people moan and you think, ‘Well, you’re in the limelight for a reason.’
What’s the craziest thing you’ve read about yourself?
Before we got married I read the biggest load of rubbish constantly. Making me out to be a right b*tch, I might add. It was all how I’d gone to these castles and demanded I had to have this day but another bride had booked it, so I paid her mortgage to get her to move her wedding. I'd never even set foot in these places.
Have you developed a thick skin?
It never bothered me. Who cares? You’ve got to be a common sense person. Which I think I am.
What have been your most disastrous live TV moments?
There have been quite a few… Once on The One Show, the machine that creates all the VTs – three-quarters of the show – went down, so there was nothing. We had one guest on for 29 minutes. And Adrian Chiles doesn’t know celebrity lifestyle stuff at all and he’d completely get the person wrong and I’d catch on halfway through and think, ‘You haven’t read all the notes…’
There was a David he thought was David Tennant. He was literally about to ask him about being in Doctor Who and I knew where he was going and kept on talking, so he couldn’t say it. But live telly to me is beautiful, nothing beats the buzz of it.
Do you still see your old TV husband? We filmed in Northern Ireland together recently. Nothing changes. He just gets grumpier.
Your actual husband came on Loose Women when you were hosting, how was that?
I was really, really weird. I was oddly nervous and he was too. It was the first time I’ve talked to him on the telly, a strange experience.
What’s a night in like at your house?
We love making cocktails, I’m brilliant at making French Martinis. And The Real Housewives Of Cheshire would be on, the top of my list of guilty pleasures. And Tamara’s World.
How do you cope when Frank is away with work?
Oh, it’s fine, we’re used to it. He used to be away in big blocks, but not so much any more, although he has the World Cup this year. He was at home a lot when he retired last year. He wasn’t quite a house husband, but he was in the house as a husband…
We imagine you have an army of staff at your house… What’s the last domesticated thing you did?
I cleaned my bathroom before I left the house today. And I thought I got bleach in my eye, actually, so that was a domestic – or Domestos – drama.
What else would surprise us about you?
I’ve always been a relative goody two-shoes, but I’ll be the last man standing when we’re out. I have a rock ’n’ roll side. It comes from my dad, he was a musician. No one can drink over here like they can in Ireland.
Do you have any hidden talents?
I don’t think I’ve got any talents that aren’t hidden. I can’t do anything that will help anybody. But I can do a headstand with no hands.
Are you still ambitious?
I don’t think I was ever wildly ambitious, I never wanted to take over the world. Or do the big shows. I don’t get why people want the pressure. I’m content rattling along.
You did a similar show before, what creepy things happened?
They put a mirror in a pitch black room and took pictures and there was an image of a little blond boy in them. There was no boy in the room, that’s for sure.
Do you believe in the supernatural?
I have weird feelings all the time. Frank laughs at me. We walked past this building to get coffee and I said, ‘Frank, I feel funny about the scaffolding, something is going to come off it.’ We had our coffee, and after we came out, I had this fear and I shoved him – this huge lump of scaffolding came off right into the path and onto the road. I swear on my life, I knew it was going to happen.
What are you scared of?
I’ve been petrified of robots since I was a kid, because of Robocop. It freaked me out we created something that takes over, and now look what’s happening.
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